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Creepy Guy – Funny True Stories

Monday, October 5th, 2009

gas_stationI was getting gas one day, just standing there watching the numbers go, when I felt like I was being watched. Creepy, I thought as I turned around, only to realize I was being watched. When I was done and heading into the store to pay, he approached me. He was on  the shorter side and not ugly, but also not attractive. He was rather plain. Not to say that looks matter, entirely… They do matter to an extent, but he looked safe. He did not seem to have any obvious crazy twitches or anything so when he asked my name I did respond. We exchanged names and I went in. This is the store I stop at every day for gas, and it is a tiny town. The cashier is a friend of mine, and he asked how I knew that guy. I told him I’d just met him here. He told me he seemed like a decent guy. By then the guy had walked in behind me, and watching the cashier and my exchange asked me to a barbecue. I agreed to go and gave him my number. I figured barbecues are busy, other people, safe and possibly fun.

He picked me up later that night and we rode over to his cousins house. On the way he asked me, which hindsight should have been a red flag, to go by the name Jill. He said he had forgotten my name and said Jill . Well that was an odd request and I was like whatever, stranger things have happened right? When we got there and his family seemed nice… almost too nice, I forgot being weirded out by the name thing.
We started mingling and i got to talking to people. They all acted like they knew something I did not know. Like there was a surprise waiting. One uncle asked how long it had been that i was dating his nephew. When I said one day, he looked confused and then laughed. Like I had said the funniest thing he’d ever heard. I figured he was older, maybe he was well… touched? I did not have much time to worry, dinner was served. The seating arrangement had my date and myself sitting in front of but facing the rest of the people. I knew this seating chart, but from where?

Bells were going off in my head now, DANGER!! DANGER!!!  What was this nagging in my head, I could not figure it out. I know I have seen this before, from a different angle perhaps?? Wearily I stood and glanced about myself as my stomach sank. Things were coming together in my mind, clues screaming at me to get out. But I sat down, like I said, dinner was served. I would get through dinner and ask to go home, I would act like I did not feel well, yes that would work just fine.. Sighing with my resolution I dug in.

“clink clink clink clink clink…”  Why that sounded like… Oh heavens they ARE tapping their glasses with their spoons, why people only do that at… oh hell… they want to see me and my date kiss… They are serious, they keep clinking…
I have been on date where the guy tried to slip in a kiss or too but this was going to a whole new length, get the family involved. I casually turned to him and moved in for a kiss, but at the last moment I turned my face, offering him my cheek, which received a huge wet kiss. I whispered in his ear, “what the hell is going on here?” He did not reply to me, instead he took to one knee and took my hands in his. The family grew hushed and anticipatory, while he said to me, “Jill I have loved you like no man ever loved a woman. Will you be my wife?”
This was not my first proposal, and perhaps will not be my last, but it was the only time it took just one date to get one. Flattering yet also creepy as hell. I guess this was the part I ruined a lot for this man. I stood up and said there was no way after meeting one time at a gas station I was going to get engaged. Even months of dating may not turn me into a say yes to the dress wannabe. I am just not the marrying type. This guy had apparently dated a girl called Jill. Things were going well for them and he had kept his family up to date on his new budding relationship. His family liked what they saw in him when he was with this girl, and was thrilled when he said he wanted to marry her. She on the other hand had different plans of her own. She split before he got a chance to ask her but his family had no idea. They believed they were meeting Jill for the first time, and seeing her and his engagement at this party. I had no idea the trickery went beyond the name Jill being gave to me. If he’d have explained it, after laughing at the story I may have played along, he could have waited a bit and told them I left, end of worries. I had no idea though that this is what was happening. All the clues, I never caught on. He took me home and I said, “look, I’m sorry things went as they did, but no hard feelings and if you want to get out sometime, give me a call.” He agreed, saying “I know I did a boneheaded thing and I am also sorry. Thanks for being understanding.”
I never heard from him again.
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