To the “gentleman” (and I use the word exceptionally lightly) that took me out to dinner last weekend;After much careful thought and lengthy consideration I have come to the following conclusions.

1) I agree with you about the dinner. Yes, the Tir Na Nog, downtown is not in fact cheap, even with your coupons. And although I question the man who is man enough to wear a fanny pack, I cannot help but wonder, in awe at his… for lack of better words, uh.. frugality, when he regularly carries the fundraiser coupon book in said fanny pack.

2) I also agree to your point, as I believe you so eloquently put it, “I am one hot fuckin piece of woman.” I mean, after all I have resided in this body for thirty two years now, and having watched its transformation from child to adolescent, to full grown woman, I cannot disagree. It is a rather hot fuckin body.

3) I have never been out with a man quite like you. I am impressed with the fact that you wear socks with sandals, and that you call your fanny pack your mag, as in man bag. I salute your lack of inhibitions as you flaunt your obnoxious style. I also dread the day I ever encounter anyone else like you.

4) The number I gave you. I am sure by now you have tried to contact me, despite your being angry when you asked me for my number. I am equally as sure you have discovered it is in fact the number to Papa Johns Pizza. I am not unknowing of my own number. I, in fact, gave you the wrong number, on purpose. Despite the fact our mutual friend set up this date, said friend knows and understands the wrong number slip, and neither will said mutual friend give you the correct one. So stop asking.

5) I do not nor will I ever sleep with the men I date. I date to go out and have a nice time with a nice guy. I often pay my own way, or take turns with dates paying. I do not owe any man for any dinner, the price of sex as well as no man owes me. I do not need to barter my self in return for a date. I owe you nothing.

6) Finally. Even without your outburst when I kindly declined your offer to “go back to your place and get it on, nows dinners done.”, I had no inclination to want to even ever date you again, let alone sleep with you. You are absolutely embarrassing, rude, tacky, presumptuous, and obnoxious. I would rather date a midget than you. Not that I have anything against midgets, I am just way too tall for it, it would be laughable is all. God forbid I am the cause of laughter aimed at a midget, I would feel awful for it.

Have a good life, and I wish you luck in your quest of finding a slut for a date, she just is not me.

Sincerely-
–That damn bitch from the other nite who ate a 15 dollar dinner and would not sleep with you.

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